I’m sad. I mean sad sad. The kind of sad that rolling over in your bed makes you sadder. The kind of sad that your favorite meal doesn’t make you happy. The kind of sad that aches every inch of your body. Sad that going out with your friends doesn’t cure. The weirdest part of this sad is, I have no idea why I’m sad. I never allow myself to stay sad for long anymore. I think that’s why I’m so sad. Because I limit my sad feelings. I’ve had something pretty upsetting happen lately that changed my heart and mind. But I’m not sad I’m changing, this change was meant to happen for me to grow. But I think the letting go of certain things so I can grow is what’s continuing to sadden me.

I wish to be happy soon.. but sadness is so comforting. As if you’re not allowed to be happy in a room by yourself but you’re allowed to be sad in a room alone. I guess that’s society talking there..

What makes unknown sadness go away?

xx

emmajo

You’re doing alright. I know things are hard right now. But they won’t be hard forever.

You’re doing great. Just breath and relax a little more. It’ll make you stress less.

You’re going to be okay. The hardships don’t last forever. Flowers outgrow the weeds.

You’re going to smile. I know youre upset and teary eyed. The tears end up drying.

You’re going to make it. Everything is about to change for you. It’s a good chance.

You’re so powerful. Stop feeling worthless. So many people admire you, your’e blind.

You’re so powerful. Youre voice carries across a room with people wanting to hear you.

You’re going to make it. The dreams you wish and pray on are coming, just wait sweetie.

You’re going to smile. The smile you have is to amazing not to show the world, show it.

You’re going to be okay. Even though it hurts so bad right now, the cut can’t stay fresh.

‘You’re doing great. Stop. Look at all you’ve done and far you’ve come. Thats all you.

You’re doing alright. Breath in and out. Its hard right now, but you’re staying afloat.

the world will continue to spin, and so will you.

xx

emmajo

Y’all life is so crazy! Let me just hit you with some information real quick. When I was a freshman in highschool, roughly 8 YEARS AGO, I dated my first boyfriend. To this day, he is the only ex that is still in my life on good terms with not only me, but my friends and family! He was a junior when I was a freshman, so our timing in life was off. He was getting ready to graduate and enlist in the army. While I was being scouted my colleges for sports. We were just in two different worlds sadly. However, we made it work for almost a year and it was amazing! Our break up was really tough and rocky. I moved on pretty quickly while he stayed single for awhile to focus on himself. But those roles reversed beyond quickly! We’ve both been in new relationships after our breakup 7-8 years ago and we’ve always supported every relationship the other has been in. When I finally graduated highschool four years ago, I stopped dating. I got my heart murdered multiple times and I realized it was best for me to be alone until God brings along my forever guy. On the hand, My ex has tended to get into more serious relationships. Thoughout his relationships, he’s been engaged, had a dog family, and lived together within his new relationships.

Until recently, this ex of mine has been engaged. However; his fiancée has broken it off and left him heart broken. With that news recently arising, some of our mutual friends believe that we are meant to be together. I love talking to him and I want to be there for him, but only as friends. Unfortunately for me, I think he believes it could lead to more than just friends. He recently asked to take me out to dinner, and I clearly said yes even though I should have said no. It’s so sweet of him to ask but I already know this is going to lead me to having to let him down, again. Since I was the one to break up with him in the past. But saying no to him upfront was so hard that I couldn’t do it. I want to be able to hang out with him, but ONLY AS FRIENDS. Truthfully, my heart knows he isn’t the one for me. I’m not meant to spend the rest of my life with him. All of my ex’s are an ex for a reason. I’m thankful for everything I’ve learned from them because it’s made me who I am. But that doesn’t mean I want them in my future at all. So I guess we will see how this dinner goes and if I break his heart..

If you have any advice please tell me. I’ll keep updating you on this adventure of mine.

xx

emmajo

I’m not sure who you are, or even if I know you yet. But I know you’ll be the biggest blessing in my life. You’re the most amazing & handsome man I’ve ever come across. You’ll be the one I want to find in every single lifetime I live. I don’t know you yet, but know I already love you. I love how you’ll make me feel. How you’ll comfort me when I’m broken, and lift me up when I can’t get up myself. You’re my best friend and my shoulder to cry on. You’re my hero, knight in shinning armor, and my soul mate. I talk about you all the time, God knows. You were in every one of my prayers, asking God that I’d find you safe and sound. To protect you until I could protect you myself. I’ve thought of the moment we would meet, and fall in love. The story of a life we would share, I wonder how amazing it’ll actually be compared to my thoughts. Though, anything with you will be amazing. So, I know I don’t know you yet, and we haven’t had all these moments I dream and pray of, but I love you. I’ve loved you since God has made you, because he made you for me. With all my love,

emmajo

Something to realize is that no matter how hard you try sometimes it just doesn’t make it to the level we need it to and that’s OK. I realize now after realizing that, is that not everything is meant to go where you want it to. So that boy doesn’t like you, so you didn’t get that A on the test you needed, and maybe you didn’t make it on time to an appointment you desperately needed. All that seems like the end of the world in those few seconds after, but then I realized to step away from it. Take a step back and view it all as if you were from a cloud. What if I never made it to those things and what if I never made it to where the level I wanted to because I was never meant to. Because God never meant for me to make it there. If I didn’t make it where i wanted, maybe deep down I actually made it where I really truly needed to go. And you never know where you need to go I guess, maybe we just go on this road of life going down every angle not knowing where it’s leading us. We maybe were turning left by ended up turning right. Maybe that’s just the most amazing thing yet. That we never make it to where we want to. So instead of getting sad you didn’t get that guy to like you or you didn’t past that test or  make it to where you wanted to go, be grateful where are you made it instead and who liked  you instead and the grade you got instead. Because maybe that’s all we need is to not make it so we truly can make it.

emmajo

What are we supposed to do when we have a rough day? There is no straight answer to that question and trust me, today I wish there was. Today has been one of my rougher days that I’ve had in a long time. I truly don’t allow myself to have a ‘rough day’ because there’s so much good in the world that I can’t allow myself to throw away a good day. Let me tell you how rough today is, it started off this morning. I woke up at 5:00 am, when I ended up going to bed only about 4 hours prior to that, so needless to say, I woke up cranky. I took a shower and started to get ready for work, oddly enough I ended up running late even though I was awake extra early. I spilt something on my shirt but it was way too late to change my outfit so I decided to roll with the stain. I put some Katy Perry and then all of a sudden I hit a dog sized raccoon. And that raccoon busted my car. So now I have a broken car, a stain on my shirt, and no sleep. But to be honest, I’m still as happy as can be today. It doesn’t matter what happens to us, it matters how we react to it. We are only incontrol of ourselves. I never sayI have a ‘bad day’, just a rough one because every day is what you make it. I think we need to stop saying how bad our life or day was, and accept what is happening and make something good come out of it. My car broke, but I created new friends out of it. We need to start valuing the positives over the negatives, thats when youll know how to tackle a rough day.

emmajo